Dead Rising

Dead Rising
Version: 2.00.01
Compatible: iPhone (3GS/4), iPod (3rd/4th), iPad - iOS 4.1
Price: $2

Call me a dedicated fan of Dead Rising. It's a game that follows me around and twists my perception of reality. Going to any mall I look at all the prospective weapons all around me. In a crowd of people I put myself in the shoes of Frank West and wonder if push came to shove if I had the strength to clear the way to safety. Its a classic game on the XBox 360 and is one I highly recommend.

I walked into this mess expecting a disaster and what I got was a catastrophe of bullshit compressed to the point of pixels and megabytes. The name sold me, the impending screenshots and trailers were horrifying and disgraceful. In fact the name alone did not sell me at first, I waited for a sale and for this ridiculously priced pile of turd to be laughed at rather than to be regretted. $2 was still not low enough.

Lets start with the scenario. Its the same as Dead Rising 1, even using the same opening sequence. But as soon as the game begins you know you're in for some shit. The mall is nothing like Willamette which isnt necessarily a bad thing but its not like anything. Its forever cast in a murky fog of darkness. There are stores and randomly placed weapons but so few and in between. It only is recognized as a Mall because it's what you're told.

The story is a sandbox survival only, go wherever you please and take up random small missions in the horribly designed mall which is vacant and full of invisible walls. I say missions though I have yet to encounter anything beyond 'Kill All the Zombies' in the assigned area. Sandbox is fine but its not until I realized they implimented some sort of hunger system. It took me a few deaths to figure out that Frank West was starving to death virtually moments after his arrival. Brilliant.

Gameplay? Shit.

Next I'd like to rag on the controls. They are stiff, painful and more torture than fun. Moving Frank in this game is reminiscent of Lara Croft in the original Tomb Raider minus the satisfaction and gymnastics. Looking and playing the game wouldn't have been so bad if it was at least satisfying to kill these zombies. It's like everything is working its damndest against you which should be the case but not the damned controls too. That gives the computer an unfair advantage especially when you can't see enemies around you as well as where you're going in the first place. Send me to fight zombies with a bucket on my head, my hands hand cuffed in front of me and give me some ridiculous concrete boots and that'll give you an idea what playing this game is like.

Controls? They give me nightmares.

On top of all that it looks and sounds like a cake baked from turds, turd related fertilizer and salty piss. Frank looks like a block man and every step he makes, makes the same two hollowed out stepping sounds. Without fail. There are some mall songs taken from the game which is good but on top of all that selective hearing brings those hollow 'taps' over and over.

Graphics and Sound? They make me sad.

So whats good? I liked the menus. They reminded me of Dead Rising.

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